The Stories Behind the Behaviours - 41 Childhood Experiences That May Shape Adult Behaviour, Relationships and Parenting — and Practical Ways to Build Healthier Patterns

"WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?"

Why is saying no so hard, even when you’re exhausted?

Why does a small change in someone’s tone stay with you for days?

Why do you feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness, struggle to believe you’re good enough, or keep repeating relationship patterns you promised yourself you’d never repeat?

And if you’re a parent, have you ever wondered whether what you experienced growing up is shaping how you respond to your own children?

Sometimes the answers lie in what we learned about love, emotions and ourselves as children.

Perhaps you learned to keep everyone happy to avoid conflict. Perhaps you felt you had to be perfect to be approved of. Or perhaps you learned to hide your feelings because nobody seemed to know what to do with them.

These experiences don’t decide who you become. But understanding them can help you recognise the patterns you carry, and choose what you do next.

The Stories Behind the Behaviours

41 Childhood Experiences That May Shape Adult Behaviour, Relationships and Parenting, and Practical Ways to Build Healthier Patterns

A 391-page practical guide by counsellor Fatima Abdulkareem.

Each of the 41 experiences is set beside its healthier counterpart, so you can see both what may have been difficult and what supportive care can look like. It’s written without shame, blame or the assumption that every struggle comes from childhood.

Read two situations free before you buy:

https://aef-mcounseling.com/the-stories-behind-the-behaviours/

A few of the 41 situations inside

• Growing up feeling unheard or not taken seriously
• Growing up with inconsistent affection
• Growing up with excessive criticism
• Growing up looking after the adults (parentification)
• Growing up feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness
• Growing up believing mistakes make you a bad person
• Growing up feeling that rest and play must be earned
• Growing up believing that apologising means losing power

What you’ll find in every situation

• What the child may have learned: the beliefs a child may carry into adulthood.
• How it may show up today: in relationships, work, self-talk and parenting.
• What sits beneath your reactions: common triggers and the needs that may have gone unmet.
• For Adults: step-by-step ways to respond differently, plus a reflection exercise with space to write.
• For Parents: practical strategies, examples of what to say, and a seven-day family practice checklist.
• The central lesson: a short summary to come back to.

This guide is for you if

• You keep putting other people’s needs before your own.
• You struggle to say no without feeling guilty.
• You overthink relationships or worry about disappointing people.
• You want to understand recurring emotional or relationship patterns.
• You want to understand yourself without spending your life blaming your past.
• You’re a parent who wants to break unhelpful cycles and raise emotionally secure children.

You don’t need to relate to every situation. Start with the ones that feel familiar and explore them at your own pace.

What you get

• The complete 391-page PDF, available to download instantly
• All 41 situations in full
• 41 seven-day practice checklists
• 41 reflection exercises with space to write
• Practical parenting strategies and examples of what to say
• A clickable contents page that takes you straight to any situation
• Printable pages, and it works on phone, tablet and computer

About the author

Fatima Abdulkareem (Dip. Couns, Ad. Dip. C., M.Couns) is a counsellor who works with children, adolescents, adults and families.

She wrote this book to help adults understand the stories behind their behaviours, and to help parents give their children a steadier story to carry forward.

A gentle note before you begin

Understanding your childhood doesn’t mean blaming your parents or believing your past explains everything about you. People are shaped by many experiences,

and childhood doesn’t determine your future.

This guide is for reflection and self-understanding. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional support.

Your past may help explain some of your patterns. It doesn’t have to decide what happens next.