RED FLAGS GREEN FLAGS CHRISTIAN CODE FOR SYSTEMATIC MARITAL DECISION SUCCESS

You’ve prayed. You’ve believed. You’ve waited.

And then someone shows up who checks every “spiritual” box — they know their Bible, they attend church faithfully, they pray with confidence — and something still feels off.

So you do what you’ve been taught to do: you pray harder. You call it spiritual warfare. You tell yourself the enemy is trying to stop what God is doing. You quote “love keeps no record of wrongs” to talk yourself out of your own discomfort.

Here’s the truth nobody says from the pulpit:

Not every uncomfortable feeling is the enemy talking. Some of it is the Holy Spirit saying “slow down.”

Discernment is not the opposite of love. It is one of the highest acts of love — for yourself, for the spouse you’re preparing for, and for the children you’ll one day raise together.

WHAT THIS GUIDE ACTUALLY GIVES YOU

Red Flags, Green Flags & The Phrases Christians Use to Excuse Both is a companion guide built to help you read character clearly — before the wedding, not after it.

Inside, you’ll find:

✅ 20 red flags to never ignore in a potential spouse — from love-bombing disguised as “God told me you’re my wife” to anger cycles quietly relabeled as “passion”

✅ The exact phrases Christians use to spiritualise dysfunction — and the honest reality behind each one (things like “I can change him with prayer and love” and “We’ve already been intimate, we might as well get married”)

✅ 15 green flags of genuinely godly character — so you know what you’re actually looking for, not just what you’re trying to avoid

✅ A side-by-side quick reference chart for fast pattern recognition when you’re too close to the relationship to see clearly

✅ 10 honest questions to sit with before God — alone, before you go any further with someone.

WHO THIS IS FOR

• The single Christian who has been praying for a spouse and wants to prepare wisely, not just wait passively

• Anyone currently in a relationship where something feels unsettled, but they can’t articulate why

• Anyone who has left — or is considering leaving — a relationship, and needs language to trust what they observed

• Christian singles who keep noticing the same painful pattern show up in different relationships, and want to understand why

FAQ

Is this only for people currently in a relationship?

No. It’s just as valuable — arguably more valuable — for those still praying and preparing. Knowing what to look for before you meet someone changes how you evaluate them from the very first conversation.

Will this tell me if my specific relationship is right or wrong?

No guide can make that decision for you. This gives you a clear framework and honest questions so you can discern with God, with wisdom, and with the people who love you — rather than relying on feelings alone.

Is this a replacement for pastoral counsel or therapy?

No. If you recognize a pattern in this guide that concerns you — especially around anger, control, or safety — please also speak with a pastor, counsellor, or trusted mentor.

You are not being too picky. You are being wise.

Discernment is not distrust. Wisdom is not fear. And waiting for the right one is not settling for being alone.

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